I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
