and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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