"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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