Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
