Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
