he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
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