Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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