I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
