You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
