Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
