I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Life is so much better after having sex.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
