Already got asked if we're dating
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
