Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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