My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
