can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
