Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
