just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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