i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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