i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize