i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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