I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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