I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
