Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
