hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
