He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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