Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
