ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
