I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Farmville is her only friend.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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