Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
