with your own penis?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
