Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
