Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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