Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He keeps bees of course he's weird
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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