Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
