Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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