I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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