The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize