Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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