Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
