She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
