i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
this will be a night to untag.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
