you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
