the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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