i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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