He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
