I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
