Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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