sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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