I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
