I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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