i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
