decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
