they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize