Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
