Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
