her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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