HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
