just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
