well I can't set my house on fire every night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
