Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
