I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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