So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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