I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
