omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
