I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
