Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
