Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
