i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
MIDGETS
????
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
