You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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