Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pants are for mortals
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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