Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
