i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
