i think my tv is drunk
home. puking in laundry basket.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize