Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
