My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
