he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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