I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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