Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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