I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
