I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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