The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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