Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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