Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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