If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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