I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
