Pants 0. Shit 1.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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