we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
