Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
