My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
