Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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