He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
