Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
