I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
