genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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