ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
false alarm, still single
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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