i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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