I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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