I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's paint friendship bongs
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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