Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
