apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
