I wish my penis had an off switch
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
