"it" just moved
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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